“Shares of Facebook stock dropped from the opening day price of $38 to around $34 today. They say if it drops any lower, Mitt Romney will swoop in and divide it up into Face and Book.” – Jimmy Kimmel
“Facebook is worth $100 billion. Today it was friended by Greece.” – David Letterman
“Andy Warhol said that in the future everyone will be famous for 15 minutes. Facebook is exactly like that except you’re not really famous and your 15 minutes goes on forever.” – Craig Ferguson
“Mark Zuckerberg and his girlfriend got married — one day after Facebook raised $16 billion on the stock market. Zuckerberg listed the 10 things he loves about her, while she listed the 16 billion things she loves about him.” – Jimmy Fallon
“That Facebook guy, Mark Zuckerberg, got married over the weekend. His company goes public, and he’s now worth $100 billion. Then he gets married. He may not be as smart as we thought. His wife’s a lovely woman. He stole her from the Winklevoss twins.” – David Letterman
“Mark Zuckerberg got married. Their reception was annoying, though. Right when everyone got used to the seating arrangement, Zuckerberg changed the layout for no reason.” – Jimmy Fallon
“Some people use Facebook to check up on ex-boyfriends or ex-girlfriends. That just seems creepy to me. I like it the old-fashioned way. If you want to check up on an ex, go through their trash.” – Craig Ferguson
“Al Gore has a new girlfriend. Apparently, it’s getting pretty serious. He’s already been over to bore her parents.” – Jay Leno
“Gore and his girlfriend were spotted taking long walks on the beach, measuring how much the sea is rising.” – Jay Leno
“President Obama gave the commencement speech at Barnard College the other day. He told graduates their future is bright unless they want jobs.” – Jay Leno
