Political Irony

“President Obama said he was evolving and then he came out for gay marriage. Conservatives, of course, are furious – not about the gay thing, about evolution.” – Bill Maher

“In an interview with ABC News on Wednesday, President Obama said, ‘It is important for me to affirm that I think same-sex couples should be able to get married.’ OK buddy, we get it, you’re not a Muslim.” – Seth Meyers

“This week President Obama was finally outed as a Democrat.” – Seth Meyers

“Rush Limbaugh criticized President Obama’s support of gay marriage, accusing the president of leading a war on traditional marriage. And Limbaugh wants it to mean something if he ever gets traditional-married for the fifth time.” – Seth Meyers

“Bristol Palin accused Obama of pandering to teenagers who watch one too many episodes of ‘Glee.’ Says the girl who got knocked up after watching one too many episodes of ‘Teen Mom.'” – Bill Maher

“Mitt Romney said marriage should be between one man and one woman, the way it has always been – with the exception of all of my relatives in Utah, my dad who was born in Mexico, my great-grandfather who left the damn country to get away from one-man, one-woman marriage. Other than that I’m a strict conservative on the subject.” – Bill Maher

“When Mitt was in prep school he led a pack of his friends to forcibly hold down this sensitive gay kid as he screamed and cried, and then cut off his hair, because he had too long hair for Mitt’s tastes. And today Mitt’s dog said, ‘I thought I had it bad.” – Bill Maher

“Today Mitt Romney apologized for holding down Michele Bachmann’s husband and cutting his hair.” – Jay Leno

“I don’t know what it’s like at your salon, but at mine, isn’t the guy cutting the hair the gay one?” – Bill Maher

“This has become quite a story; the Washington Post reported that Mitt Romney, while in high school, bullied a gay classmate. Did you hear about this story? In his defense, Romney said that he didn’t know the kid was gay; he just thought he was poor.” – Jay Leno

“There is something indicative about his character because it seems like Mitt Romney was kind of a bully. This was not the only bullying thing he did. He also took poor kids’ lunch money – oh, I’m sorry, that’s his present-day economic policy.” – Bill Maher

“North Carolina has outlawed gay marriages, and today San Francisco outlawed straight marriages. What’s going on?” – David Letterman

“Antediluvian bigot Billy Graham took out full-page ads supporting (the gay marriage ban) in 14 North Carolina newspapers. I was shocked. North Carolina has 14 newspaper?” – Bill Maher

“President Obama was in town last night for a big fundraiser at George Clooney’s house. I had a hunch that the President was in town because on my way to work last night on Sunset Boulevard, I saw a Secret Service agent arguing with a hooker.” – Jay Leno

“President Obama was in town last night for a big fundraiser at George Clooney’s house. They want to have a fundraiser with lots of celebrities so the choice is pretty much George Clooney’s house or Promises rehab center in Malibu.” – Jay Leno

“The head of the RNC Reince Priebus attacked Democrats today for worshipping Hollywood movie stars. And then he went outside and turned on the lights on the big 50-foot statue of Ronald Reagan.” – Bill Maher

“New Rule: The columnist for the right-wing Washington Times who suggested this week that Obama is a racist for not mentioning the death of one of the Beastie Boys because he was white, must be promoted to Fox News. That is such a spectacular piece of hackery I can’t believe Sean Hannity didn’t think of it first. It should win a reverse Pulitzer. You, sir, deserve the right-wing trifecta: a gig on Fox, an AM radio show, and a deal for a shitty book called ‘Scum: How Liberals Something, Something, Ruined America, Blah, Blah, Flag, Kickass, Jesus.'” – Bill Maher