“President Obama hosts an early Cinco de Mayo White House party today. I thought it was weird when he made all the guests climb over the fence to get in.” – Jimmy Fallon
“President Obama has promised now that we’ll be out of Afghanistan by 2024. That’s just right around the corner. That’s the same deal I have with CBS.” – David Letterman
“Well, as you know, President Obama was in Afghanistan earlier this week, as part of his big ‘Did I Mention I killed bin Laden?’ tour.” – Jay Leno
“The Army is releasing Osama bin Laden documents including his final words. I think they were, ‘Who’s knocking on my door at this hour?'” – Jay Leno
“A new biography about the president states that he took ‘artistic liberties’ in his memoir and says that he ‘fictionalized details for narrative clarity.’ That means President Obama just made some crap up. How is this news? He’s a politician. How do you think he got to be the president? You make crap up. You want to be a senator, you come out of college, you start lying and you just don’t quit.” – Craig Ferguson
“President Obama admitted this week that a former girlfriend that he wrote about in his autobiography was made up and not a real person … So Obama had an imaginary girlfriend. Big deal! He had an imaginary economic plan. It’s all the same.” – Jay Leno
“It’s weird to me what Obama chose to fabricate in his memoir. It wasn’t something cool he made up, like hitting six home runs in a little league game, or faking his own birth certificate. No, it was something lame. He just compressed the details of several girlfriends into one character. I’m thinking, oh, very smooth. Because if there’s one thing I know that women love, it’s being blurred together with other women.” – Craig Ferguson
“Hey, did you guys hear about this? Last week, the brakes on President Obama’s limousine were apparently damaged while he was in Georgia. Yeah, Obama tried to call AAA, while Biden tried to call the Geico gecko.” – Jimmy Fallon
