Political Irony

“Today was the annual White House Easter Egg Roll – or, as the Republicans call it, ‘President Obama’s Socialist Egg Redistribution Program.’” – Jay Leno

“Thirty thousand kids and their parents participated in the annual White House Easter Egg Roll, which has been going on for years. At this point there has to be thousands of undiscovered Easter eggs on the lawn of the White House. Future civilizations will think we were ruled by chickens.” – Jimmy Kimmel

“Thirty thousand kids and their parents participated in the annual White House Easter egg roll… The only problem was, First lady Michelle Obama was put in charge of the snacks. That’s like putting Rick Santorum in charge of a rave.” – Jimmy Kimmel

“Bad news for the governor of New Jersey, Chris Christie. While celebrating Easter they rushed him to the hospital with an impacted Peep.” – David Letterman

“Mitt Romney had an Easter egg hunt at his house as well. Although he does it a little bit differently; he hides money offshore and then the kids hunt for the nest of eggs. They go to Caymans, they go to Switzerland… they travel all over.” – Jay Leno

“Over the weekend, Mitt Romney was actually spotted body-boarding in California. Romney would’ve gone surfing, but you know, he hates standing for something.” – Jimmy Fallon

“Over the weekend Mitt Romney went body surfing. He has not body surfed since the ‘90s when he starred on ‘Baywatch.’” – David Letterman

“Actually, it turned out there weren’t enough waves that day, so Romney asked Newt Gingrich to do a cannonball.” – Jimmy Fallon

“Newt Gingrich admitted to The Washington Post that he knows he probably won’t be the Republican nominee for president, but he’s not bowing out of the race because he’s $5 million in debt. So he needs to keep raising money. How do you continue to raise money when you’ve already admitted you probably won’t win?” – Jimmy Kimmel

“Newt Gingrich says he still has a chance. He say people walk up to him all the time and beg him to stay in the presidential race. It’s a group of people known as Democrats.” – Conan O’Brien

“Joe Biden launched a new Twitter account to give supporters updates from the campaign trail. Like his most recent update: ‘They still won’t let me go on the campaign trail.’” – Jimmy Fallon

“President Obama has signed into law a bill that bans members of Congress from insider trading. However, they are still allowed to mishandle campaign funds, cheat on their wives, and kill the occasional drifter.” – Jay Leno

“Keith Olbermann is suing his former employer, Current TV, for $70 million. That comes out to $10 million per viewer.” – Jay Leno

“The FBI is reporting that American universities are being infiltrated by foreign spies. They say everyone should be on the lookout for any student who’s paying attention and taking notes.” – Conan O’Brien