“Happy Holiday weekend! This, of course, is both Passover and Easter. In fact, did you see what Romney did tonight? I think he’s trying too hard to get votes; he went to a Seder dressed as the Easter bunny.” – Jay Leno
“Mitt Romney has spent $53 million on ads, and Rick Santorum has spent $9 million. Meanwhile, Newt Gingrich drew a poster with his name on it and showed up in the background of the ‘Today’ show.” – Jimmy Fallon
“Tomorrow night, President Obama is hosting a special showing of the film ‘To Kill a Mockingbird’ on the USA Network. And Mitt Romney will be hosting a showing of the film ‘Wall Street.’” – Jay Leno
“According to a recent study, most people think that they are thinner than they really are. Which explains why the other day I saw Newt Gingrich buying a Speedo at Forever 21.” –Jimmy Fallon
“You know what’s funny? Both President Obama and Mitt Romney are calling each other ‘out of touch.’ See, being considered ‘out of touch’ is bad for a candidate. On the other hand, as Herman Cain and John Edwards have showed us, touching too much is also bad… there’s a fine line. A very fine line.” – Jay Leno
“Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid says he wants airport security workers to be nicer to foreigners. Could we be any nicer? They cross our borders whenever they want, they get jobs, they get bargain college tuition, we give them driver’s licenses, we never ask them to leave. How much nicer can we be?” – Jay Leno
