“Jeb Bush has come out and endorsed Mitt Romney. He said it was the hardest decision he’s had to make since endorsing his brother, George W.” – Jay Leno
“Mitt Romney got a big endorsement this week. The bad news: It was from Etch A Sketch.” – Jay Leno
“Mitt Romney’s adviser actually compared him to an Etch A Sketch — and because of that, Etch A Sketch sales jumped 1,500 percent. Or as Disney put it, ‘Any way you can compare Romney to a ticket to ‘John Carter?’” – Jimmy Fallon
“Newt Gingrich today said he’s jealous because the only tool he ever gets compared to is a dildo.” – Bill Maher
“Rick Santorum said he’s not an Etch-A-Sketch. He said what you see is what you get, and also because turning the two knobs is a little too much like playing with boobies.” – Bill Maher
“Then he held up the Etch-A-Sketch and Sarah Palin said, ‘Hey, give me back my iPad.’” – Bill Maher
“’The Hunger Games’ is opening this weekend. The movie is based on the books where people are chosen in a lottery to compete in a televised battle to the death. Why can’t we do this to the Republican primaries? Wouldn’t that be great?” – Jay Leno
“This law they have in Florida, this “stand your ground’ law where you can use can use any amount of force if you think there is some amount of perceived threat; good thing they don’t’ have that here because my lawn would be littered with Jehovah’s Witnesses.” – Bill Maher
“New Rule: Now that John Boehner has cried while listening to traditional Irish music at the St. Patrick’s Day luncheon it’s not funny anymore. Seriously, John, tell us: where did the priest touch you? Show me on the doll.” – Bill Maher
“Did you see the story about the mother duck and her ducklings helped through a fence at the White House property? The Secret Service pushed the little ducks through the fence. Of course, the Secret Service checked to make sure the ducks had donated enough money to President Obama’s re-election campaign.” – Jay Leno
