“Rush Limbaugh is losing advertisers. Crisco was one and then he lost Hostess Cupcakes. Now the only advertiser Rush has left on his radio show is Conrad Murray’s Sleep Clinic.” – David Letterman
“President Obama was at one of the games at Dayton, Ohio, tonight. He brought British Prime Minister David Cameron with him. It’s part of a cultural exchange program. They go to a basketball game here, and then in July the prime minister has invited Obama to England to take part in a soccer riot.” – Jimmy Kimmel
“Tomorrow morning President Obama is going to release his NCAA bracket. You knew this was going to happen. Republican leaders have vowed to overturn it.” – Jay Leno
“You all know Newt Gingrich. Newt is short for Newton. People say if that’s the case, what is Mitt short for? It’s short for ‘Mittens.'” – David Letterman
“Did you see Mitt Romney this week? He was trying to appeal to the Southern voters. He told folks the other day that he had a biscuit and some cheesy grits for breakfast. I didn’t know that they served that at the Ritz Carlton.” – Jay Leno
“Actually there was one awkward moment for Mitt Romney. They asked him if he’d ever been down to the banks of the Mississippi and he said, ‘No. Do they have a better rate than the Cayman Islands?'” – Jay Leno
“Osama bin Laden was living in that compound with three wives. It’s like he was Newt Gingrich.” – David Letterman
