“Last night was Super Tuesday – a 10-state GOP Primary orgy. A big, sweaty pile of lever-yankin’ Republican voters. And like most orgies, it involves a bunch of middle aged guys who are not appealing to women.” – Stephen Colbert
“Mitt Romney just barely won the Republican primary in Ohio by 1%. … Then Romney made the mistake of saying, ‘Ladies and gentlemen, tonight is a victory for the 1%!'” – Conan O’Brien
“Mitt Romney’s wife said she doesn’t even consider herself wealthy. Then she said, ‘If you don’t believe me, just ask my chauffeur.’” – Craig Ferguson
“According to exit polls, Mitt Romney is struggling with voters who call themselves very conservative. However, Mitt is doing great with voters who describe themselves as being ‘totally freaked out by Rick Santorum.’” – Conan O’Brien
“Rick Santorum ‘slipped the knockout punch!’ ‘Knockout punch,’ by the way, is what Rush Limbaugh slips his dates.” – Stephen Colbert
“I’m excited about the new iPad. But then I’m excited about anything that is not the Republican primaries.” – Craig Ferguson
“Evidently, voters really responded to his campaign slogan: ‘Putin 2012 — Or He’ll Shoot Your Family.'” – Stephen Colbert (on the Russian election)
“Gas prices — it is $6 a gallon here. People in L.A. are furious. You can’t tell, of course, because of the Botox.” ” – Craig Ferguson
“It’s being reported that Dunkin’ Donuts restaurants in China are adding pork donuts to the menu. For God’s sake, do the Chinese have to beat us at everything?” – Conan O’Brien
