“Rick Santorum is saying the kids that go to college are snobs. Rick Santorum has a new program for children. It’s called Every Child Left Behind.” – David Letterman
“Rick Santorum has been surging in the polls lately. Apparently voters are responding to his message of no birth control and public schools.” – Jimmy Kimmel
“Mitt Romney has accused Rick Santorum of saying outrageous things just so Santorum can appeal to the most extreme voters. Santorum denied this and said, ‘That’s exactly the kind of misrepresentation I’d expect from gay abortion doctor Mitt Romney.’” – Conan O’Brien
“Mitt Romney accused the other GOP candidates of pandering to voters to get support. Romney was like, ‘I would never pander to voters. I mean, unless you guys want me to.’” – Jimmy Fallon
“The Romney campaign says they can’t figure out why the people of Michigan aren’t embracing their native son. Hmmm, let’s see. Could it be this editorial he wrote four years ago: ‘Let Detroit go bankrupt’?” – Craig Ferguson
“That shows Romney had the vision to put his foot in his mouth years before his competitors.” – Craig Ferguson
“It’s nothing compared to the piece Romney wrote last week for The Arizona Republic: ‘Accept your new Mexican overlords.’” – Craig Ferguson
“Kid Rock gave Mitt Romney an endorsement. He also endorsed porn, Jack Daniels, and Hepatitis C.” – Jimmy Kimmel
“Kid Rock has formally endorsed Mitt Romney. Doesn’t Kid Rock look like the guy that Mitt Romney’s neighborhood watch group would call the cops on?” – Jay Leno
“Ron Paul looks like the guy you see in the horse-racing movies on the back stretch with a stopwatch.” – David Letterman
“Ron Paul announced earlier today his campaign is the only one that’s entirely financed by moonshine.” – David Letterman
“Today is the 100th anniversary of the Oreo cookie. For New Jersey Governor Chris Christie, it’s a holy day.” – David Letterman
“Tomorrow is leap day. This is something that only happens once every four years. Or as Newt Gingrich calls that, a sit-up.” – Jimmy Fallon
“It’s leap day tomorrow. This is God’s way of punishing us by making the election year even longer.” – Jay Leno
“Today marks the 158th anniversary of the Republican Party — while tomorrow marks the 158th Republican debate.” – Jimmy Fallon
