“Rick Santorum released his tax returns this week, and under withholding he wrote ‘oral sex’.” – Bill Maher
“Rick Santorum’s tax returns show that last year, he paid doubled the tax rate that Mitt Romney paid. Romney is much more clever with the deductions. He writes off poor people.” – Jay Leno
“Rick Santorum doesn’t like sex. He doesn’t like the pill. He really doesn’t like condoms. He said if men are going to pull something on to prevent procreation, nothing works better that a sweater vest.” – Bill Maher
“Rick Santorum is conservative; he’s so conservative he won’t even use weed whacker. That’s how conservative.” – Jay Leno
“Rick Santorum is so conservative that after his last colonoscopy he went to confession. That’s how bad.” – Jay Leno
“He is so conservative he thinks male bankers should only screw over female customers. That’s how bad.” – Jay Leno
“He’s so conservative he won’t even go to Home Depot to get wood. That’s how bad.” – Jay Leno
“He is so conservative he won’t even acknowledge the planet Uranus. That’s how bad…” – Jay Leno
“Here’s the good news for liberals. A new poll shows that Santorum and Romney are beating each other up so bad that Obama is now ahead of both of them – another tragic result of white-on-white crime.” – Bill Maher
“Mitt Romney could lose his home state of Michigan. He keeps shooting himself in the foot. He wrote an Op-Ed in the Detroit newspaper reminding them that he opposed the automobile bailout. And then he kicked off his Wisconsin ‘fuck cheese’ tour.” – Bill Maher
“The FDA came out with a study. They discovered lead in 400 different types of lipstick. And that’s just from samples taken from Newt Gingrich’s penis.” – Bill Maher
