“Mitt Romney and Rick Santorum are both against gay marriage. Really, against gay marriage? I tell you, the problem with this is they’d make such a cute couple.” – David Letterman
“Rick Santorum looks like a guy running for student council.” – David Letterman
“Newt Gingrich is against same-sex marriage. Well, actually, he’s against same-marriage sex.” – David Letterman
“Yesterday Newt Gingrich, Rick Santorum, and Mitt Romney all said that if elected president they would eliminate porn. In a related story, President Obama has already been re-elected.” – Conan O’Brien
“You know a really sad thing about Valentine’s Day? Some people can’t have the person they really love, so they settle for someone else. But enough about the Republicans and Mitt Romney.” – Jay Leno
“Happy Valentine’s Day. Everyone on the campaign trail is celebrating with their sweetheart. Rick Santorum and his wife Karen, Newt Gingrich and his wife Callista, Mitt Romney and his Swiss bank account.” – Jimmy Fallon
“Each year, Mitt Romney celebrates Valentine’s Day by spending a romantic evening in front of the mirror.” – David Letterman
“President Obama urged men to ‘go big’ for Valentine’s Day. In fact, Obama bought Michelle the nicest bracelet China’s money can buy.” – Jimmy Fallon
“The vice president of China showed up at the White House today. That’s what happens when you get behind on the rent. The landlord shows up, starts looking around.” – Jay Leno
