“Congratulations to Mitt Romney. He got an honorary Grammy for best spoken word for being able to speak out of both sides of his mouth at the same time.” – Jay Leno
“Some election news. This weekend was the Maine caucuses. And here’s the crazy part — Adele actually won that, too.” – Jimmy Fallon
“Mitt Romney loves Valentine’s Day. Today he sent a dozen long-stemmed red roses to his money.” – David Letterman
“Rick Santorum said women might not be suited for military action because their emotions aren’t suited for combat. Which can mean only one thing: He’s never seen an episode of ‘The View.’” – Jimmy Fallon
“Four of us are married to Newt” – from the Top Ten Reasons This Year’s “Sports Illustrated” Swimsuit Issue Is The Best One Ever, as presented by the models on the Late Show With David Letterman
“President Obama has compromised with the Catholic Church on this whole birth-control issue. The White House’s new position? Just have sex and pray for the best.” – Jay Leno
