“Mitt Romney lost all three of the primaries. Today, he begged Donald Trump to take back his endorsement.” – David Letterman
“Romney was at a loss to explain why he dropped the ball. In fact, his wife is now blaming it on the New England Patriot receivers.” – Jay Leno
“It was a big setback for the Mitt Romney campaign. Even the very poor said they felt bad for him.” – David Letterman
“People on the inside tell me that the first thing Romney’s going to do if he’s elected president is he’s going to outlaw casual Friday.” – David Letterman
“Rick Santorum scored a hat trick winning in Colorado, Minnesota and Missouri. Newt Gingrich scored a hat trick eating at KFC, Taco Bell and Pizza Hut.” – Jimmy Fallon
“Rick Santorum was the big winner. He is feeling very cocky. He already is being fitted for an inaugural sweater vest.” – David Letterman
“He even called global warming a hoax, which is no surprise, coming from a guy who is clearly in the pocket of big sweater vests.” – Jimmy Kimmel
“Part of me thinks that Rick Santorum is running for president just to show his high school crush she should have gone to the prom with him.” – Jimmy Kimmel
“Since yesterday’s primaries, Rick Santorum’s campaign has received $250,000 in donations. When Mitt Romney heard this, he said ‘$250,000? Oh, that’s cute.'” – Conan O’Brien
“Rick Santorum says that he is what the Republicans really want. Mitt Romney says now that he knows what Republicans want, he can change to those positions.” – Jay Leno
“There’s really no reason for anyone to drop out of the race. If you wind up in fourth place, you become a regular contributor on Fox News. You come in third, you get your own show on Fox News.” – Jimmy Kimmel
“Donald Trump announced he is building a new hotel four blocks from the White House. And with any luck, that will be about as close to the White House as Donald Trump will ever get.” – Jay Leno
“A mother in China gave birth to a 15-pound baby. Chinese officials say it’s so big, it can do the work of two babies.” – Conan O’Brien
