“Over the weekend, Herman Cain announced that he is endorsing Newt Gingrich. Well sure, adulterers like to stick together. You never know when you need an alibi. You cover for me, I’ll cover for you.” – Jay Leno
“Newt Gingrich picked up an endorsement from Herman Cain. It’s not unlike getting Carrot Top’s endorsement for an Academy Award.” – Jimmy Kimmel
“Now, Senator John McCain has gotten into the act; McCain says that the Republican debates have turned into mud wrestling. To which Herman Cain said, “I knew I got out too soon!” – Jay Leno
“Sarah Palin has also been supportive of Gingrich but she hasn’t made an official endorsement yet. Her husband endorsed Gingrich but he’s a snowmobiler, so nobody cares.” – Jimmy Kimmel
“Yesterday, Newt Gingrich accused Mitt Romney of running a dishonest campaign. Oh shut up! These are politicians. It’s like Willie Nelson yelling at Snoop Dogg for smoking dope. Shut up!” – Jay Leno
“Today, Snoop Dog endorsed Ron Paul for president. Snoop said he likes Paul’s positions on everything from legalizing pot … to legalizing pot.” ” – Conan O’Brien
“Ron Paul was not in Florida, he was campaigning up in Maine. They think he was afraid that if he went to Florida, they’d grab him and put him in an old folks home.” – Jay Leno
“Newt Gingrich has been attacking Mitt Romney for being wealthy and having money in bank accounts in the Cayman Islands. See, that’s when you know you’re part of the top 1 percent, when your bank’s address has the word ‘island’ in it.” – Jay Leno
“But, Romney says he is not a creature of Washington. He has lived in the real streets of America. I believe it’s Easy Street, if I’m not mistaken.” – Jay Leno
“In fact, when Mitt Romney was young, he and his gang controlled their hood’s hedge fund.” – Jay Leno
“A newspaper study shows that Republican candidates are buying a lot of ad time on the Weather Channel. … In fact, whenever the forecast calls for rain, they pay the weathermen to say, ‘Thanks a lot, Obama.’” – Conan O’Brien
“Obama goes for the youth vote answering young peoples’ questions on YouTube today. As result, Obama’s new poll numbers are 55% ‘LOL’ and 45% ‘Totally Gay.’” – Conan O’Brien
