“Mitt Romney is coming under fire because even though he is a multimillionaire, he only paid 15 percent in taxes. That’s not a tax, that’s barely a tip.” – Jay Leno
“Mitt Romney is quite a guy. At one point he and his wife bought a zoo and fired all the animals.” – David Letterman
“According to a Washington Post poll, 84 percent of Americans do not approve of the way Congress is doing its job. Sixteen percent weren’t even aware Congress is doing a job.” –Jay Leno
“President Obama took Michelle out to a steak restaurant for her birthday, marking the first time in months the words ‘Obama’ and ‘well done’ appeared in the same sentence.” – Jimmy Fallon
“Wikipedia and a number of websites blocked themselves out to protest a piece of legislation that’s making its way through Congress right now. I’ll look it up in Wikipedia if it ever comes back.” – Jimmy Kimmel
“An intelligence officer with the Canadian armed forces has been arrested for passing Canadian military secrets to a terrorist group. I don’t know what’s more shocking, the fact that he did that or that Canada has military secrets.” – Jay Leno
“Today, the TSA has admitted that it was wrong to let its screeners strip search two elderly women last month. However, the screeners won’t be punished because living with the memory of what they saw is punishment enough.” – Conan O’Brien
