“Political analysts are saying that Mitt Romney is having trouble generating enthusiasm among Iowa voters. Now, ladies and gentlemen, you know you have a problem when people in Iowa find you dull.” – Conan O’Brien
“Forty percent of the people of Iowa are undecided about who to select as a Republican candidate for president. Thank goodness we have three dozen debates.” – David Letterman
“Iowa is a state in the Midwest that manufactures pigs, corn and old people.” – Conan O’Brien
“Today are the Republican Iowa caucuses. Or, as it’s also known, ‘old white guy Mardi Gras.'” – Conan O’Brien
“They say the Iowa caucuses are very important because they are predictors of the Academy Awards.” – David Letterman
“President Obama’s campaign has released a highlight reel of his top moments from 2011. The video’s a little weird. Halfway through, it’s taped over by Joe Biden’s recording of ‘Yo Gabba Gabba.'” – Jimmy Fallon
“I hope you all had a good holiday. I was in Scotland. I enjoy going back to the country where I was born. That must be what it feels like when Barack Obama visits Kenya.” – Craig Ferguson
“There’s a plan for the Pentagon to cut almost half a trillion dollars from the military. The Pentagon plans to pay for future wars by divorcing Kobe Bryant.” – Conan O’Brien
“The new ruler of North Korea is Kim Jong Il’s son. That’s an amazing coincidence. The elections must have gone very quickly.” – Craig Ferguson
“The U.S. government is selling $30 billion worth of fighter jets to Saudi Arabia. Yeah, it’s part of a new initiative called, ‘Operation Regret This In Five Years.'” – Jimmy Fallon
“2012 is supposed to be the year the world ends. Have you seen the national debt? If the world doesn’t end, we are so screwed.” – Jay Leno
