“North Korea may not have enough money to preserve the body of Kim Jong Il. Unfortunately, this leaves North Koreans with only one alternative: Kim Jong jerky. … You heard of Slim Jims? How about Slim Kims?” – Conan O’Brien
“The family is saying now that in lieu of flowers for Kim Jong Il, they encourage you to send enriched uranium.” – David Letterman
“It’s been reported that Kim Jong Il’s son has been chosen as the new leader of North Korea, over his two older brothers. That’s right. They completely passed over Tito and Jermaine.” – Conan O’Brien
“Kim Jong Il made his staff call him ‘dear’ and spent the day drinking cognac. It’s like I have a twin, ladies and gentlemen.” – David Letterman
“As they do every year, al-Qaida has threatened to disrupt and ruin Christmas. You know, we already have a group that disrupts and ruins Christmas every year. They’re called relatives.” – Jay Leno
“Mitt Romney’s wife says her husband loves caffeine-free Diet Coke. Or as it’s known in the Mormon community, the ultimate gateway drug.” – Conan O’Brien
