“More good news for Newt Gingrich. Earlier today, he was endorsed by the voices in Glenn Beck’s head.” – David Letterman
“You know the difference between God and Newt Gingrich? God doesn’t think he’s Newt Gingrich.” – Jay Leno
“Newt has a holiday book out. ‘The Newt Before Christmas.'” – David Letterman
“Only two candidates have agreed to attend Donald Trump’s Iowa debate. So Trump’s either going to cancel or round out the field with Meat Loaf, Omarosa and Gary Busey.” – Jay Leno
“Illinois is the only state where the present governor rides around in a car whose license plate was made by a previous governor.” – David Letterman
“A global study released just today found that happiness does not increase with the rate of economic growth. To which President Obama said, ‘See? That’s what I’ve been trying to tell people.'” – Jay Leno
“President Obama said he is ‘very concerned’ about the European debt crisis. While Joe Biden said he is quote ‘very concerned’ about the drop in Nickelodeon’s ratings.” – Jimmy Fallon
“President Obama celebrated Hanukkah at the White House last night. He lit the menorah, and then Vice President Joe Biden came in sang happy birthday, and blew out all of the candles.” –Jay Leno
