“They had a midnight raid and they cleaned out Zucotti Park where the Occupy Wall Streeters were camped out for about two months. So if you’re keeping score, here’s what the score is now: Eighty down in Zucotti Park; Wall Street executives arrested: Zero.” – David Letterman
“Last night Occupy Wall Street protesters were removed by Cesarean. The Founding Fathers never intended indefinite free speech. They assumed after two weeks any protest would be wiped out by smallpox.” – Stephen Colbert
“Some have criticized pepper spraying a pregnant woman, but don’t forget, the cops were spraying for two.” – Stephen Colbert
“Yesterday President Obama urged his supporters to watch the Republican debates. Though legally he was forced to add, ‘But not while operating heavy machinery.'” – Jimmy Fallon
“One by one the Republican candidate potentials have been shooting themselves in the foot making huge, horrible gaffes and they just look silly. It’s gotten so bad that President Obama is now worried he may actually be re-elected.” – David Letterman
“It makes sense that Gingrich is rising. He is the only candidate who appears to be made of dough.” – Stephen Colbert
“Newt Gingrich is so confident about his chances that he’s already working on his concession speech.” – David Letterman
“Today Rick Perry introduced a new plan to overhaul all three branches of government. Just as soon as he comes up with a plan to remember all three branches of government.” – Jimmy Fallon
“Herman Cain flubbed a question on Libya yesterday and then tried to cover by saying, ‘Oh, I thought you meant Libya Newton-John.'” – Jimmy Kimmel
“Herman Cain’s campaign insists there are more women out there waiting to charge him with harassment. They figure people can take a sex creep in the White House, but not someone who says, ‘Libya, hmm,’ and just sits there.” – Daily Show correspondent Herman Cain
