“The Republican presidential candidates held a debate in Michigan. Just what Michigan needs: 12 more people looking for a job.” – Conan O’Brien
“There’s another Republican presidential debate tonight. This one is focused on why there were so many Republican debates.” – Jimmy Kimmel
“If I were Mitt Romney, I wouldn’t show up anymore. I would just go to Hawaii and wait it out until the election, drink some caffeine free Diet Coke and watch Herman Cain and Rick Perry self-destruct.” – Jimmy Kimmel
“Herman Cain says he will not quit. He is going to stay in the race. You know what that means? He’ll be gone in a week.” – David Letterman
“Jon Huntsman, who is running for president, has 0 percent support. That means he’s not even voting for himself.” – Jay Leno
“The stock market plunged over 389 points because of financial news in Italy. They’re calling this the worst Italian disaster since Olive Garden introduced that fettuccini alfredo.” – Jay Leno
“After losing a lawsuit with the TSA, former Minnesota Gov. Jesse Ventura says he’s going to renounce his U.S. citizenship and move to Mexico. Hey, if he changes his mind, he can always sneak back in.” – Jay Leno
