“A company in Illinois is selling a collectible baby doll of President Obama. It’s really cute. The doll can even say a few words, as long as it has a teleprompter.” – Jimmy Fallon
“And just so Republicans don’t complain, it comes with a birth certificate.” – Jimmy Fallon
“President Obama had dinner with a U.S. postal worker who won a contest to meet him. The mailman was like, ‘Wow, someone who takes longer to deliver than I do!'” – Jimmy Fallon
“It was a long meal. Every time Obama tried to pass the salt, it got rejected by Republicans.” – Jimmy Fallon
“Herman Cain told a group of Occupy Wall Street protestors to go home, get a job, and get a life. That’s the Republican version of hope and change, ladies and gentlemen.” – Jay Leno
David Letterman’s “Top Ten Signs Herman Cain’s Campaign Is In Trouble”
10. Can’t afford cigarettes for new campaign ads
9. It’s been fun, but there’s no way we’re actually electing a guy named ‘Herman’
8. While campaigning, kissed a photo of himself and signed a baby
7. New campaign slogan ‘Mayday!’
6. Even Michele O’Bachmann thinks his ideas are nuts
5. He trails Gadhafi’s corpse in the polls
4. Refuses to acknowledge the road to the White House goes through me, Dave
3. He’s acting less fun-crazy and more crazy-crazy
2. Just accepted million-dollar offer to pose nude in Playboy
1. There’s a 0-0-0 chance he’ll be president
“Remember Terry Jones, the pastor in Florida who burned the Koran? That’s right; he is now a presidential candidate. You know what his platform is? Deporting every undocumented worker in America and imprisoning women who have abortions. Finally, the Republican Party has a moderate in the race.” – Bill Maher
