“In a new interview, Rick Perry said it was a mistake for him to participate in the presidential debates. Perry said ‘I’m not one of these ‘word talkers’.'” – Conan O’Brien
“According to polls, Rick Perry has now fallen to fifth place. You know who is in fourth place? Carrot Top.” – Jay Leno
“Rick Perry is now behind in the polls and he’s not taking it well. Today he executed his pollster.” – David Letterman
“In an interview last night, Rick Perry criticized Mitt Romney for flip-flopping on the issues. Romney said that Perry has no idea what he’s talking about. Then he added, ‘But he does know what he’s talking about.'” – Jimmy Fallon
“Michele Bachmann told reporters that she will lead the nation in prayer if she is elected president. You know if she is elected president, we all better be praying. She doesn’t have to lead us.” – Jay Leno
“Michele Bachmann said she wants her three daughters to learn to shoot a gun. Mostly so they can put her campaign out of its misery.” – Conan O’Brien
“We had President Obama on the show last night. I think the president enjoys visiting NBC because we’re the only place that has lower numbers than he does.” – Jay Leno
“Hillary Clinton turns 64 years old today. Happy birthday. Today, Donald Trump demanded to see her birth certificate.” – David Letterman
“A couple of days ago they found (Moammar Gadhafi) hiding in a storm sewer, and they pulled him out and killed him. … In three years, he would have been eligible for his pension! … Yep and he left his entire wardrobe to Lady Gaga.” – David Letterman
“The McRib is back. You know, I wondered what they were going to do with Gadhafi’s body.” – Jay Leno
