“I don’t know what they are protesting at Occupy Wall Street but I’m on their side. But 10,000 protestors and one Porta Potty?” – David Letterman
“I love the protests. And if you think about it, what better way to send a message to Wall Street than by sitting in a pup tent banging on a drum.” – David Letterman
“There’s so many protestors now they are going to move them out of the park and put them in a pothole. You know, that one over on 8th Avenue.” – David Letterman
“A bank in Washington was robbed by two men in George W. Bush masks. Luckily, right afterwards two guys in President Obama masks came and bailed the bank out, so everything is fine.” – Conan O’Brien
“President Obama is in Vegas for a fundraiser. He spent the visit working on his new economic recovery plan, ‘Come on, seven!” – Jimmy Fallon
“President Obama was back in Los Angeles today, where he will appear on the ‘Tonight Show’ with Jay Leno, to highlight the one job that was saved during his administration.” – Conan O’Brien
“I’m very excited that President Obama is coming tomorrow night and as you know he’s on his nationwide ‘I Whacked Another Terrorist’ tour.” – Jay Leno
“So they caught Gadhafi in a storm sewer and shot him. Or as they call it in the Middle East, an orderly transfer of power.” – David Letterman
“The guy who killed Gadhafi was wearing a New York Yankees cap at the time. So, for at least one Yankees fan, it turned out to be a pretty good October.” – Jay Leno
“The New York Times reports that Moammar Gadhafi spent his last days hovering between defiance and delusion, surviving on rice and pasta. In other words, Gadhafi spent his last days as a sophomore in college. That’s what I did.” – Conan O’Brien
“It seemed that after he was killed, Gadhafi’s body was stored at a commercial freezer at a shopping mall. It’s one thing to hunt a guy down and shoot him twice in the head, but then to drag him to the mall? Come on, guys hate that.” – Jay Leno
“I just read that a bear broke into a candy store in Tennessee and started eating all the candy. That’s right, a live bear filled with candy. Or as Sarah Palin calls that, ‘the best piñata ever.'” – Jimmy Fallon
“Rick Perry is now saying he thinks that Barack Obama’s birth certificate is fake. I think Perry may have faked his driver’s license.” – David Letterman
“Yesterday on CNN, Joe Biden said he hasn’t made up his mind about whether he’ll run for president in 2016. Which raises the question: ‘Who was raising that question?'” – Jimmy Fallon
“The world was supposed to end Friday. I don’t think it did, though. Harold Camping also predicted the apocalypse was going to happen back in May and I don’t think that one happened either. Well, you know what they say, the third apocalypse is the charm.” – Jimmy Kimmel
“This is reported to be the 12th time Camping has predicted the end of the world, the first time being in 1978. Not only is he bad at predicting things but he’s kind of a bummer to hang out with.” – Jimmy Kimmel
