Political Irony

“The British government may cancel Rupert Murdoch’s $14 billion satellite deal because they’ve discovered that he’s evil.” – Craig Ferguson

“In the media business, being evil isn’t always a bad thing. There’s also the lovable kind of evil that we have here at CBS.” – Craig Ferguson

“One of Murdoch’s tabloids was hacking people’s phones and listening to their voicemails. Victims said their iPhones were so messed up that they were actually working.” – Craig Ferguson

“Murdoch shut down News of the World, which was almost 160 years old. It’s always sad when something that old comes to an end. It was like the last episode of ‘Larry King Live.'” – Craig Ferguson

“The U.S. is now in serious danger of defaulting on our foreign loans, which explains why today, China showed up and broke the Statue of Liberty’s kneecaps.” – Jimmy Fallon

“The royal couple really immersed themselves in American culture while visiting. In fact, when they left, they were $2 trillion in debt.” – Jay Leno

“President Obama’s staff got raises of 8 percent, more than double the average for regular Americans, which is 3 percent. But to be fair, many of them will be unemployed next November.” – Jay Leno

“A right-wing religious group in Iowa is now asking all the Republican presidential candidates to sign a pledge to remain faithful to their spouse. Isn’t that the marriage pledge?” – Jay Leno

“On Friday, a woman in Texas gave birth to a baby boy weighing in at 16 pounds, 1 ounce. When they did the sonogram, the doctor was like, ‘I’m not sure if it’s a boy or a girl, but it’s definitely an American.'” – Jimmy Fallon

“Eliot Spitzer’s show on CNN was canceled. So you wonder, how will the guy kill an hour?” – David Letterman

“Over the weekend, someone broke into our theater. I’m told that Jay Leno has an alibi.” – David Letterman