“Michele Bachmann said her hometown of Waterloo, Iowa, is the birthplace of John Wayne, when it is actually the birthplace of serial killer John Wayne Gacy. She then said her favorite sitcom from the 80s is ‘Charles Manson in Charge.'” – Conan O’Brien
“New York Gov. Cuomo legalized gay marriage. I think it’s great for everybody — especially divorce lawyers.” – David Letterman
”Finally, New York state’s gay and lesbian community are free from the burden that was having to set foot in Connecticut in order to get married.” – Jon Stewart
“Newt Gingrich says he does not support gay marriage. He says marriage is a sacred sacrament that should only be between a man and his first, second, and third wives.” – Conan O’Brien
“Rod Blagojevich was found guilty of trying to sell President Obama’s Senate seat. As the verdict was read, Blagojevich’s face remained expressionless while his hair remained ridiculous.” – Conan O’Brien
“Rod Blagojevich was convicted of extortion, wire fraud, bribery, and criminal abuse of styling mousse.” – Jimmy Kimmel
“Some of the counts Blagojevich was convicted of carry 10- to 20-year sentences, so he could be facing up to 300 years in prison. That’s a long time, even for a leprechaun.” – Jimmy Kimmel
“During the trial, Blagojevich got himself in trouble for texting photos of his hair.” – David Letterman
“Anthony Weiner was photographed this weekend dining with his wife and texting from his cell phone. Maybe he should put the phone away for a few years.” – Jimmy Kimmel
“Anthony Weiner is back in the private sector now. When he was a congressman from New York, I think it was his private sector that got him in trouble.” – David Letterman
“Whitey Bulger’s brother was a politician. So one brother was operating in a world with no morals, dealing with the lowest of the low, and the other one was a mobster.” – Craig Ferguson
