“President Obama and House Speaker John Boehner played golf this weekend. Obama’s handicap is Joe Biden.” – Jay Leno
“President Obama and Speaker Boehner played golf last weekend. Obama avoided an out-of-bounds penalty tee when an errant tee shot bounced off of Oprah, who was hiding in the woods.” – Jimmy Kimmel
“The team of Obama and Boehner beat the team of Vice President Joe Biden and Ohio Gov. John Kasich. When they tallied up the score, they were 14 trillion over par.” – Jay Leno
“President Obama and John Boehner played golf against Joe Biden on Saturday and they won $2. Just 7 trillion more rounds like this and we’ll pay off that deficit in no time.” – Jimmy Fallon
“Did you see the picture of House Speaker Boehner and President Obama after their golf game? Boehner was crying over his score and Obama was giving a list of reasons why his score was better than it looks.” – Jay Leno
“NBC has apologized for editing out the words ‘under God’ from its coverage of the U.S. Open. They’re also apologizing for Brian Williams signing off with ‘Hail Satan.'” – Conan O’Brien
“Arnold Shwarzenegger’s favorite game on Father’s Day? Old Maid.” – Jay Leno
“After John Edwards, Arnold Schwarzenegger, and father-to-be Anthony Weiner, who would have thought Charlie Sheen would be dad of the year?” – Jay Leno
“Bristol Palin’s new book says she lost her virginity on a night when she had too many wine coolers. It’s in the chapter “Things I Have in Common with Conan O’Brien.'” – Conan O’Brien
“A spokesman for Texas Gov. Rick Perry says there’s a 50/50 chance he’ll run for president. Meanwhile, Sarah Palin says there’s an 80/50 chance she’ll run for president.” – Conan O’Brien
“A new study has found that the majority of wealthy people in China want to move to other countries and the government is trying to find ways to keep them. If only they could build a big wall.” – Jay Leno
