“President Obama is in town, and huge traffic delays are expected all over L.A. Tomorrow he’s back on the East Coast, and huge traffic delays are expected all over L.A.” – Conan O’Brien
“President Obama is in Los Angeles raising money for his campaign and meeting with Dr. 90210 about an ear tuck.” – Jimmy Kimmel
“Michelle Obama said the most popular member of the family is their Portuguese water dog Bo. Donald Trump said, ‘I want to see that Portuguese bitch’s papers.'” – Conan O’Brien
“Trump has people in Hawaii looking for Obama’s birth certificate. Wouldn’t it be something if it turned out the certificate had been nestling.” – Jimmy Kimmel
“Former New Mexico Gov. Gary Johnson announced his candidacy for the GOP presidential nomination. Because when the other candidates aren’t generating enough excitement, it’s time to bring out Gary Johnson.” – Conan O’Brien
“His real name is Gary Hussein Johnson. That’s where it gets interesting.” – Conan O’Brien
“Queen Elizabeth turned 85 today. There was an awkward moment when she closed her eyes to make a wish and Prince Charles asked, ‘Is she dead?'” – Craig Ferguson
“The Industrial Revolution destroyed the environment, but now we’re not destroying it as much as we used to. We’re concentrating on destroying the economy instead.” – Craig Ferguson
One Comment
I just wanted to see Obama come out when he announced the death of the Al Quaeda leader and say: “Good Evening. I just wanted to take a moment and apologize for not getting my birth certificate out to you guys quicker, but I’ve been a little busy killing Osama Bin Ladin.”