“Donald Trump said he’d release his personal tax returns if Obama shows his birth certificate, which is probably the first you-show-me-yours-and-I’ll-show-you-mine in a presidential campaign since, well, Clinton probably.” – Jimmy Kimmel
“Donald Trump said if President Obama releases his birth certificate, he will release his tax returns. The President said, ‘Well, I promise not to run for a second term if you release that thing on your head.'” – Conan O’Brien
“Trump is very reluctant to release his tax returns. Either he doesn’t make as much money as he wants people to think he does, or he doesn’t want anyone to know he claims his hairpiece as a dependent.” – Jimmy Kimmel
“In an interview yesterday, Donald Trump said he has a good relationship with ‘the blacks.’ Well, not anymore.” – Jimmy Kimmel
“Gary Busey said on the ‘Today Show’ yesterday that Donald Trump would make a great President. Now Trump just needs endorsements from Randy Quaid and Charlie Sheen.” –Conan O’Brien
“Trump accused George Stephanopoulos of being co-opted by Obama’s minions. Anyone who knows Stephanopoulos knows he’s minion-proof –- and lactose intolerant.” – Jimmy Kimmel
“President Obama celebrated Passover with a Seder at the White House. This morning, Donald Trump demanded to see Obama’s Bar Mitzvah certificate.” – Jimmy Kimmel
“President Obama released his 2010 tax return. It turns out that he made $1.7 million and spent $14 trillion.” – Conan O’Brien
“Speaker of the House John Boehner says he will not host a Cinco de Mayo celebration this year. Boehner says he has nothing against Hispanic Americans, and in fact his speaker of the housekeeper is Hispanic. Apparently there’s something about those poor, defenseless piñatas being beaten with sticks that makes Boehner cry.” – Jimmy Kimmel
“The FAA has suspended an air traffic controller for watching a movie while on the job. The guy explained that he just couldn’t get to sleep.” – Conan O’Brien
