“It’s starting to look like Donald Trump may be a serious presidential candidate. If you’re in my line of work, Trump running for president for real is the greatest thing that has ever happened.” – Conan O’Brien
“The White House is saying Donald Trump has ‘zero percent chance’ of being elected. That seems a little high.” – David Letterman
“Donald Trump insists that he is going to run for president. I guess he figures if he can pull off that hairstyle, he can do anything.” – Jimmy Kimmel
“According to a CNN poll, Trump nearly doubled his support from March. Actually, he just combed his March numbers over his current ones.” – Conan O’Brien
“In an exclusive interview with the Christian Broadcasting Network Donald Trump said “I believe in god.” But of course Donald thought he was talking about himself.” – Jay Leno
“Insiders say that Trump is running for president as a publicity stunt. That’s not the Donald Trump I know.” – David Letterman
“Trump said, ‘I am Obama’s worst nightmare.’ Really? Worse than Oprah hiding in the Lincoln Bedroom in a string bikini?” – Jimmy Kimmel
“It looks like Mitt Romney will run for president. He announced that he’s forming an exploratory committee. Doesn’t that sound like something every man should have after 50?” – Jay Leno
“No! Not Captain Buzzkill! Not the guy who looks like everyone who ever fired your dad! He’s gonna suck all the fun right out of this crazy thing. Just look at the online video announcing his run. It looks like it could double as an ad for erectile dysfunction pills. ‘Mitt Romney: for when the moment’s right.'” – Jon Stewart
“Michele Bachmann referred to Planned Parenthood as the LensCrafters of abortion. Then it got worse when she referred to Massachusetts as the Sunglass Hut of gay marriage.” – Conan O’Brien
“President Obama said in an interview over the weekend that he really misses being anonymous. He said, “I miss Saturday mornings rolling out of bed and not shaving, going to the market…” Be careful what you wish for, 2012 is just around the corner!” – Jay Leno
“The Federal Trade Commission says for the 11th year in a row the biggest consumer complaint is identity theft, which led President Obama to say, ‘That’s why you should never show ANYONE your birth certificate.'” – Jay Leno
“Economists say sharp increases in energy and food prices could lead to higher inflation. But prices are falling on a lot of items, like Charlie Sheen tickets.” – Jay Leno
“Because of a holiday, the deadline for taxes is April 18, so you have three extra days to dig through restaurant dumpsters for receipts.” – Jimmy Kimmel
