“We’re at war? Again? Don’t we already have two? Wars aren’t like kids, where you don’t have to worry about the youngest one because the other two will take care of it.” – Jon Stewart
“Remember when President Obama said we can’t fight two wars and vowed to change our policy? Well, he did. Now we’re fighting three wars.” – Jay Leno
“The strikes on Libya are costing $100 million. Or, in Moammar Gadhafi terms, five Beyonce concerts.” – Conan O’Brien
“And aren’t we out of money? You can’t simultaneously fire teachers and Tomahawk missiles.” – Jon Stewart
“The Pentagon held a press-conference about the military operation in Libya. They are calling it Odyssey Dawn. I believe it’s the first military operation named after a stripper.” – David Letterman
“Obama said we will send economic aid to Libya to help the Libyan people reach their dreams. And if that works, they’ll try it here.” – Jay Leno
“Sarah Palin visited the Wailing Wall in Jerusalem. There was an awkward moment when she said, ‘So this is what keeps the Mexicans out?'” – Conan O’Brien
“Sarah Palin visited Israel. She says she likes all religions, ‘whether they celebrate Christmas or Jewish.'” – Jimmy Fallon
“A miniscule amount of radiation from Japan reached L.A. People panicked and ran out and bought gas masks and radiation suits. Then they went to the tanning salon.” – Jay Leno
“Rich people are buying Geiger counters. Poor people are putting bags of microwave popcorn on the windowsill. If it starts popping, get the hell out.” – Jay Leno
