“President Obama met with Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg in Silicon Valley yesterday. Zuckerberg said he could create new jobs. The bad news? They’re all in Farmville.” – Conan O’Brien
“President Obama had dinner with some of the top tech executives: the CEO of Facebook, the CEO of Apple, the CEO of Oracle, and their waiter, the CEO of MySpace.” – Jay Leno
“In the Mideast Muslims are getting in fights with their former supporters. The Shiites are hitting their fans.” – Jay Leno
“All across the Middle East in the streets, people are demanding democracy. It’s amazing. The only way in America you get people to get worked up like that is to threaten to give them health care.” – Bill Maher
“New rule: Stop calling it Obamacare. It’s not like Obama will be the doctor for your next prostate exam. That’s just a common fantasy of Republican men.” – Bill Maher
“Hillary Clinton says she tries not to miss ‘Grey’s Anatomy.’ Bill said, ‘I watched it once. Not enough anatomy.'” – Jimmy Fallon
“The other day on ‘Live With Regis and Kelly,’ First Lady Michelle Obama said she was expecting jewelry on Valentine’s Day. Of course, she said, ‘You can’t go wrong with jewelry.’ Lindsay Lohan said, ‘Oh, yeah, you can.'” – Jay Leno
