“Sarah Palin’s reality show will not be returning as she contemplates a possible run for president in 2012. When a candidate walks away from a reality show, that’s when you know they’re serious about being president of the United States.” – Jay Leno
“Sad news. It looks like ‘Sarah Palin’s Alaska’ won’t be back for a second year. How does that make her feel? She was governor, almost vice president. She gets one year. Snooki’s on her third year.” – Jay Leno
“Sarah Palin should pick The Situation from ‘Jersey Shore’ as her vice president. That way, we can get rid of two reality shows at once.” – Jay Leno
“Wikipedia is 10 years old this week. Well, I read that on Wikipedia, so it’s probably not true.” – Craig Ferguson
“The two biggest websites right now are Wikipedia, where you go to learn about things you care about, and Facebook, where you go to learn about people you stopped caring about years ago.” – Craig Ferguson
“Due to the recession there are now 15,000 less lawyers. Nobody ever talks about the good things that happen because of the recession.” – Jay Leno
“Police are looking for a man in Phoenix who robbed a bank and told the teller he wanted the money in twenties, forties and sixties. Authorities believe he could be one of President Obama’s economic advisers.” – Jay Leno
“The blizzard was three hours of howling wind — kind of like Rush Limbaugh’s radio show.” – Conan O’Brien
“Chinese President Hu Jintao will be at the White House next week. The good news is, he has no plans to foreclose. We can stay another month.” – Jay Leno
“Former U.S. House Majority Leader, Tom DeLay, has been sentenced to three years in prison. One year for money laundering and two more for his performance on ‘Dancing with the Stars.'” – Jay Leno
“Arnold Schwarzenegger is going on a speech-doing tour, and they’re charging $400 for tickets. Imagine how much he would get if he could actually speak. He’s the Tour-minator. The tour will end in I’ll-Be-Back-remento.” – Jimmy Kimmel
“San Francisco celebrated the opening of the nation’s first gay history museum. The museum is called ‘San Francisco.'” – Conan O’Brien
