“President Obama’s pledge to have the most transparent administration in history has come true. Thanks to WikiLeaks.” – Jay Leno
“WikiLeaks head Julian Assange says that if arrested, he will release secret documents, including information on UFOs. Arrest him, I want to see those documents.” – Jimmy Kimmel
“WikiLeaks founder Julian Assange says he’s going to release damaging files on BP and Guantanamo Bay if his website is shut down. Excuse me? No one besmirches the good names of BP and Guantanamo Bay.” – Jimmy Fallon
“Because of a printing error, a billion new $100 bills have to be destroyed. They’re going to burn $100 billion dollars — just like they did with the last stimulus program.” – Jay Leno
“Iran began holding talks with the six world powers. Participants were the U.S., Russia, China, Britain, France, and Oprah.” – Conan O’Brien
“You have to be careful of political correctness this time of the year. You can’t call them ‘Santa’s elves’ anymore. They’re ‘undocumented little people.'” – Jay Leno
“Willie Nelson was arrested for possession of marijuana. Nothing yet on bin Laden, but we got Willie Nelson.” – David Letterman
“Between the made-up words and wildly shooting at anything with four legs, Sarah Palin is turning into Elmer Fudd.” – Jimmy Kimmel
