Political Irony

“Sarah Palin has a new show. She takes viewers all around Alaska, and shows them where she water-boarded Levi Johnston.” – David Letterman

“A show with Sarah Palin? Did we run out of Kardashians?” – David Letterman

“John McCain makes an appearance on Palin’s show. He wasn’t scheduled, he just wanders through.” – David Letterman

“I think the name of the Sarah Palin show is sh*t my ex-governor says.” – David Letterman

“George W. Bush has a new memoir out and he said in an interview that he thought that Sarah Palin was not qualified to be president. Well, isn’t that the pot calling the kettle of black. Honest to goodness.” – David Letterman

“An article on ‘Huffington Post yesterday claimed that several passages of George W. Bush’s new memoir ‘Decision Points” were lifted from other books, including several written by his advisers. Which explains why he spent much of the book complaining about his boss.” – Seth Meyers

“George Bush’s memoir out. It’s called ‘Decision Points’ It’s also available in an audio version so you can listen to it while you drive the economy off the cliff.” – Bill Maher

“The weirdest part of his memoir is that Bush says when he was a teenager, his mother showed him a fetus that she had miscarried that she kept in a jar. And his decision point there was to start drinking. … Actually Bush says when she showed him the fetus in the jar, that’s what made him so strongly against abortion — and for food labels.” – Bill Maher

“Bush was everywhere this week. He was on Matt Lauer, Sean Hannity, Oprah. And he got 50 bucks for his fetus in a jar on ‘The Antique Roadshow.'” – Bill Maher

“One of the new proposals from a bipartisan commission released Wednesday suggested that in order to bring down the deficit, the government would need to raise the retirement age to 69 by the year 2075. So the next time a baby is crying on your flight, it’s probably because they just found out they’re gonna have to work until they’re 69 in new China.” – Seth Meyers

“Speaking in a video for an ad campaign aimed at ending the bullying of gay teenagers, Cindy McCain, the wife of Senator John McCain, broke with her husband and called for the repeal of ‘don’t ask, don’t tell.’ McCain says he and his wife have disagreed on other issues too. Things like, “Where am I and what the hell is going on.” – Seth Meyers

“Things are so bad for Obama, today a gay teenager made a video showing him that it gets better.” – Bill Maher

“President Obama said on ’60 Minutes’ that he wants to bring back the 8 million jobs we’ve lost. Today India said ‘no.'” – Jay Leno

“Obama’s overseas trip has been such a disaster that people in Kenya now claim that he has an American birth certificate.” – Jay Leno

“Hillary Clinton met with Israel’s Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu for six hours at a hotel yesterday. When Hillary saw that she had a six-hour meeting at a hotel, she was like, ‘Wait, I think this is Bill’s schedule. This isn’t mine. It can’t be mine.'” – Jimmy Fallon

“The major pilots unions are complaining about the use of full-body scanners and these pat-down techniques at the airport. Pilots say the searches make it almost impossible for them to smuggle in liquor.” – Jay Leno