Political Irony

“President Bush is everywhere talking about his book and he’s being very candid. In one interview, he said that he used to do stupid things while he was drunk. But think about it, who among us hasn’t had a couple of drinks and invaded Iraq?” – David Letterman

“The point he wants to get across is that we should go out and buy his new memoir, ‘If I Did It.’ No, that’s not it.’ – Jon Stewart

“President Bush is everywhere. He’s been on the Larry King show. He’s been on the ‘Today Show’ with Matt Lauer, he’s been on all of the programs. He was on Rachael Ray this morning water boarding a veal cutlet.” – David Letterman

“He’s like an old pair of slippers, this guy. Like a gift you didn’t particularly want. Wasn’t really a good fit. Started a war between your pants and your shirt. But you had them for eight years, and that’s something. In hindsight, they did keep your feet slightly warmer than — ah, f*ck… it, I never liked those slippers.” – Jon Stewart

“Former first lady Laura Bush used to be a librarian. Coincidentally, she’s the only thing George W. Bush ever checked out at the library.” – David Letterman

“Wall Street hands out new bonuses. Poor people, get prepared to be trickled down on.” – Stephen Colbert

“Well, some good news today from President Obama. You know how he’s been trying for two years to shut down Guantanamo Bay. Well, they finally found a place to put the terrorists. They’re going to stick them on the Carnival cruise. Just let them drift.” – Jay Leno

“The Carnival Cruise liner was disabled and drifted for two days without any power, thus earning the ship the nickname ‘The Democratic Party.'” – Jay Leno

“Sarah Palin has a show about Alaska premiering Sunday. I was starting to worry that she’s underexposed.” – David Letterman

“China is expected to overtake the U.S. as the world’s biggest economy in the next two years. Americans couldn’t believe it. ‘That hasn’t happened already?'” – Jimmy Fallon