“What do you think of the Republican landslide victory on election night? No one’s laughing at my John Boehner tattoo now.” – David Letterman
“Ohio Republican John Boehner will take over for Nancy Pelosi. Those are some big eyes to fill.” – Jay Leno
“Everyone is talking about the unemployment rate. This week it went up by about 65 Democrats.” – Jimmy Fallon
“Obama lost 66 Democrats — and not one of them was Joe Biden.” – Jay Leno
“Tuesday was bad for President Obama. Voters threw away the hope and just went for the change.” – Jay Leno
“The president is going to India. He’ll be traveling on Air Force One-Term.” – David Letterman
“President Obama is getting ready to leave Washington. Not leaving for good — he’ll do that in a couple years.” – Craig Ferguson
“President Obama will be traveling to India. After Tuesday’s election, he decided to move there.” – Jimmy Kimmel
“India is famous for its Darjeeling tea, but President Obama won’t be interested in tea parties of any kind.” – Craig Ferguson
“Sarah Palin says she wants limited government. Does she mean fewer elected officials or more officials who resign in the middle of their terms? I think limited government will be perfect for her limited abilities.” – David Letterman
“Tuesday night Americans completely rejected the efforts of a charismatic African American who was trying to do the best he could. Rick Fox was voted off ‘Dancing with the Stars.'” – Jay Leno
“Prop 19, the California proposition to legalize marijuana lost. The proponents are all so sad today. If only there were some substance that could make them laugh again.” – Jimmy Kimmel
“The government will pump an additional $600 billion into the economy. I guess they have to make up for what Meg Whitman isn’t spending anymore.” – Jay Leno
“In his new book George W. Bush reveals that he considered dropping Dick Cheney in 2002 to show he was in charge. But then Cheney nixed the idea.” – Jimmy Fallon
“A court has reinstated the military’s Don’t Ask Don’t Tell policy even though another court struck it down a few weeks ago, which means it’s time for some soldiers to implement a policy called Just Kidding. Gay soldiers are going, ‘What’s going on? I haven’t been this confused since high school.'” – Jimmy Fallon
