“You know this Tea Party candidate, Christine O’Donnell, is causing a lot of controversy with her kind of unorthodox views. She’s come out against masturbation. You know what that means? She’s out of touch with those voters who are in touch with themselves.” – Jay Leno
“Nation, I’ve have been a diehard supporter of Delaware Republican Senate Christine O’Donnell ever since I learned of her existence last week. She is a dynamic, conservative Christian who believes masturbation is adultery. And fellas she’s single and will condemn you for masturbating. The total package.” – Stephen Colbert
“O’Donnell said that Hollywood needs to re-evaluate what they’re doing because movies these days are all filled with gay sex and extramarital affairs. I thought, ‘Have fun in Congress then.'” – Craig Ferguson
“If you’ve got a Google news alert tuned to Republican party, witchcraft and anti-masturbation, you are probably sick of hearing about how Tea Party favorite Christine O’Donnell clinched the nomination for Senator from Delaware.” – Jon Stewart
“I like Christine O’Donnell. She’s good-looking and she’s hilarious. I haven’t had this much fun since Cheney was in office.” – Craig Ferguson
“Let me tell you something, Sarah Palin better be careful. Because this Christine O’Donnell is younger, hotter, and crazier. That’s the things guys are looking for in a trophy candidate. So, be very careful.” – Jay Leno
“She’s like an east coast Sarah Palin or a less slutty Rachael Ray or like a non-masturbating version of former Delaware Senator Joe Biden. That’s right, Biden. I just said you ride the Amtrak, if you know what I mean.” – Jon Stewart
“Christine O’Donnell looks a lot like Sarah Palin, and you know what that means, more work for Tina Fey.” – David Letterman
“More problems for candidate O’Donnell. It seems she canceled all her Sunday talk show appearances after a video surfaced her on Bill Maher’s TV show where she admitted she once dabbled in witchcraft. So, apparently, she is pro-dabbling, but anti-diddling.” – Jay Leno
“Christine O’Donnell says that she once had a date on a satanic altar? Well, who hasn’t?” – David Letterman
“Sarah Palin tweeted a warning to Christine O’Donnell that the national media is seeking her destruction. That is ridiculous. If the media wanted to destroy her, they would just douse her with water.” – Craig Ferguson
“O’Donnell’s past could come back to haunt her. Now luckily I have a way to stop this witch hunt. Miss O’Donnell just come on my show and do a simple test. Bind your arms and legs and throw you in the river. If you sink to the bottom and drown, your bloated corpse can march to victory with a clean record. But if you float …” – Stephen Colbert
“The Republican candidate from Delaware, Christine O’Donnell, it turns out she’s a practicing witch. And if she wins, and goes to the Senate, she’ll be the first practicing witch in Washington since Barbara Bush.” – David Letterman
“I shouldn’t say that. Barbara Bush, of course, was a lovely woman, and also the Quaker Oats guy.” – David Letterman
“Justin Bieber was spotted at a Hooters restaurant in Canada. I don’t think 16-year-olds should be hanging out at Hooters. They should be dabbling in witchcraft, like Christine O’Donnell.” – Jimmy Kimmel
“Traffic here in New York was backed up today because of the U.N. General Assembly’s annual meeting. You could hardly get anywhere or do anything. It was almost like being in the U.N.” – Jimmy Fallon
“Iranian President Ahmadinejad is in New York. You know he hates Jews and gay people. Boy, is he in the wrong place.” – David Letterman
“Folks, it seems that Al Qaeda’s number two man has released yet another tape where he criticizes the entire Pakistan government, calls them incompetent and corrupt, and demands they be thrown out of office. So, it sounds like we have a Tea Party over there, too.” – Jay Leno
“When the Pope met the Queen of England, they both said the same thing to each other: ‘Nice hat.'” – Jay Leno
