“Hillary Clinton is denying rumors that she will replace Joe Biden as the Vice President in 2012. It’s fun to have a Clinton denying stuff again.” – David Letterman
“The Department of Labor has launched a new website to help unemployed Americans. President Obama said the website is amazing and he can’t wait to check it out in a few years.” – Craig Ferguson
“At the White House yesterday, President Obama told Israelis and Palestinians to reach a peace deal because they might not get another chance soon. That’s not really a peace plan. That’s how you get a 5-year-old to use the bathroom.” – Jimmy Fallon
“President Obama is now trying for peace in the Middle East using a two state solution. I believe the two states are denial and delusion.” – Jay Leno
“The guy that tried to destroy David Letterman was let out of prison today. I was like, ‘Really? Jay Leno was in prison?'” – Craig Ferguson
