“A federal judge in California struck down Proposition 8, saying it was unconstitutional. Gay couples can now get married in the state of California. Remember when women used to say the best ones were either gay or married? Now they can be both.” – Jay Leno
“It’s a big week for gays. There’s the gay conservatives thing happening, Prop 8 was overturned, and the movie ‘Step Up 3-D’ is coming out.” – Craig Ferguson
“People are trying to understand the judge’s thinking on this. Well, I think it’s pretty clear. After seeing straight couples like Bristol and Levi, Larry King and his wives, Charlie Sheen and his wives, gays couldn’t screw it up any worse than that, right? So what the heck, go for it.” – Jay Leno
“I thought this guy (Levi Johnston) was a weasel. Did you hear the latest? He’s now offering to sell a tell-all interview about himself, the latest break-up, and inside information about Sarah Palin for $20,000. Looking back, the problem isn’t that he refused to wear a condom. The problem is his father didn’t wear a condom.” – Jay Leno
“You know those controversial TSA full-body scanners? Well, they’re coming to airports here in New York next month. Great. Normally I take a Xanax before I fly, now I have to take a Viagra.” – Jimmy Fallon
“The Senate has confirmed Elena Kagan for the Supreme Court. She now has a job for life. Just like Lindsay Lohan’s probation officer.” – Jay Leno
“There’s a new iPhone app that lets you call your Facebook friends from your phone. Of course, I only got on Facebook so I wouldn’t have to call these people. ” – Jimmy Fallon
“This week in 1861, the first federal income tax was instituted to pay for the Civil War. These days, we don’t worry about that kind of stuff. Our wars are paid for by our grandchildren.” – Jay Leno
