“Do you know that $8.7 billion of our money has gone missing in Iraq? I didn’t even know they had a Goldman Sachs over there.” – Jay Leno
“Three convicted murderers escaped from a prison in Arizona. The governor told the people, ‘Don’t worry, all three murderers are American citizens.'” – Jay Leno
“Snooki from ‘Jersey Shore’ was arrested for punching a cop. President Obama stepped in. He invited them both to the White House for a beer.” – David Letterman
“Charlie Rangel has reportedly struck a deal with the ethics panel. You know what that means. It’s time to start investigating the ethics panel.” – Jay Leno
“Us magazine is reporting that Levi Johnston wants to get a GED. Or whatever they call that thing women use to not get pregnant.” – Jay Leno
