“They’re having the confirmation hearings down in Washington, D.C., with Elena Kagan. And so far, the woman has offered very few opinions. I thought to myself, well, my God — how do you find a woman like that?” – David Letterman
“Here’s how savvy the Russian spies are and were — they knew four years ago that Ricky Martin was gay.” – David Letterman
“BP executives are saying that Hurricane Alex has rendered their clean-up efforts completely useless. In other words, nothing has changed.” – Craig Ferguson
“Ladies and gentlemen, news from the world of broadcasting. Larry King has announced his retirement. He says he wants to spend more time with his wives.” – David Letterman
“But, seriously, Larry has really been trying to slow down, of course, since his recent death.” – David Letterman
“Larry’s absence creates a void. As a matter of fact, his presence creates a void.” – David Letterman
