Political Irony

“A few days ago, Vice President Biden and Rahm Emanuel had a water gun fight during a party at Biden’s house. Meanwhile, Sasha and Malia spent the last few days trying to solve the BP oil crisis.” – Jimmy Fallon

“BP is now saying they’ve captured anywhere from 35 percent to 75 percent of the oil that is gushing out of the well. Of course, you’ve got to keep in mind they usually lie anywhere from 85 percent to 95 percent of the time.” – Jay Leno

“Here’s a little bit of good news. The Coast Guard says that BP is now catching up to 630,000 gallons of oil a day. The bad news is that they’re capturing it with ducks.” – Jimmy Fallon

“Sarah Palin is now saying that President Obama needs to make sure that these oil companies act ethically and responsibly. This from a woman who shoots wolves from a helicopter.” – David Letterman

“At one time, Barack Obama lived in New York City. Obama hasn’t lived in this apartment here in New York City since 1981, but oddly enough, it’s still where he picks up his Pottery Barn catalogs.” – David Letterman

“It was on this day in 1934 the first Donald Duck cartoon premiered. He’s 76 years old. You’d think if America loved a 76-year-old guy with a hot temper so much, we would have elected John McCain.” – Craig Ferguson

“Women won big in California, Arkansas, Nevada and South Carolina. These are exciting times. I can remember when only rich white men could buy elections. Now women can buy them, too.” – Jay Leno

“Looks like this Gore divorce could end up being pretty costly. In fact, Al Gore now talking about only trying to save half the planet.” – Jay Leno

“You remember the guy who tried to blow up his car in Times Square? Now, they arrested a couple of guys in New Jersey who were also going to be terrorists, and they trained to become terrorists. Every week, they would play paintball. Next step, honestly, was laser tag.” – David Letterman