“During a fundraising trip to California, some young Republicans took the Republican Party credit card to a club in Hollywood that has nude dancers doing bondage shows. Usually when Republicans find themselves in dark rooms with whips and chains, it’s in Dick Cheney’s basement. ” – Craig Ferguson
“Now here’s a fascinating story. And this kind of thing happens all the time. But every time it happens, we always say, ‘Whoa, here we go.’ The Republican National Committee had a big party at some kind of a sex club in Los Angeles. They spent $2,000 of campaign donation money on the bill at the sex club in Los Angeles. But the guy who organized the big Republican sex party apologized on the Golf Channel, so that’s good.” – David Letterman
“It must be very embarrassing for the people involved. I’m sure the strippers didn’t want anyone to know they were hanging out with politicians.” – Craig Ferguson
“The chairman of the Republican National Committee, Michael Steele – you probably heard about this – he got in a lot of trouble. I guess they dropped over $2,000 to staffers at a topless bondage theme nightclub right here in Hollywood. And what’s the Republicans’ big issue right now? Isn’t it – oh, yeah – cutting down on wasteful spending?” – Jay Leno
“Michael Steele. Doesn’t he sound like he would be a dancer at a bondage theme nightclub?” – Jay Leno
“At least it was the young Republicans that did this. Could you imagine Bob Dole and John McCain walking in there?” – Craig Ferguson
“Republican donors aren’t happy about this. It’s not fair that rich Republicans spend huge amounts of money at sex clubs and poor Republicans have to go to airport bathrooms.” – Craig Ferguson
“Well, according to ‘Newsweek,’ the FBI now says Osama bin Laden is healthy and giving the orders once again for al Qaeda. Today, Republicans blamed it on the new healthcare bill.” – Jay Leno
“On the ‘Today’ show this morning, President Obama said that adjustments will need to be made to the new healthcare law. In fact, it’s getting so many adjustments, Obama’s now calling it the Heidi Montag of congressional bills.” – Jimmy Fallon
“Vice President Joe Biden did it again. He showed up at the White House Seder last night with a bunch of ham sandwiches.” – Jay Leno
“First Lady Michelle Obama attended the Kids’ Choice Awards over the weekend. See, I don’t think the President had ever seen that show. Like, when she got home, the President asked Michelle how it went. She said there was a lot of slime. And President Obama said, ‘Fox News was there?'” – Jay Leno
“President Obama said that his family has decided not to join any one, single church, because he causes too much of a disruption at services. At the last service, the priest was like, ‘In the name of the Father, the Son and holy cow, the President!'” – Jimmy Fallon
“Pamela Anderson on ‘Dancing with the Stars’. You know who else is on ‘Dancing with the Stars’? Former astronaut Buzz Aldrin. Pam Anderson and Buzz Aldrin. Honest to God, it looks like a Republican ticket.” – David Letterman
“Thursday is Census deadline day. The census would like every resident of the United States to fill out their form and mail it in. If you don’t know how many people live in your house, just count the number of iPods.” – Jimmy Kimmel
“And remember, you know, the Census Bureau sends a Census taker to any home that doesn’t reply by mail. So unless you want to have a conversation with another human being, you better get that in.” – Jimmy Kimmel|
