“Today we celebrate Saint Patrick, the guy that drove all of the Toyotas out of Ireland.” – Jay Leno
“It was a beautiful day here in New York for the Saint Patrick’s Day parade — over 60 degrees outside! I guess it’s just that old ‘Luck o’ the Global Warming.'” – Jimmy Fallon
“To celebrate Saint Patrick’s Day, President Obama spoke with the wee Dennis Kucinich.” – Jay Leno
“Ohio Congressman Dennis Kucinich announced that he will vote for President Obama’s healthcare bill. The one condition is that Obama had to carry him on his shoulders so he could see the Saint Patrick’s Day Parade.” – Jimmy Fallon
“Mayor Bloomberg has done a remarkable job. Yesterday, he was twice mistaken for a leprechaun.” – David Letterman
“In Irish lore, leprechauns hide their pots of gold at the end of the rainbow. But here in New York, things are a little different — at the end of the rainbow, there’s just a gay bar.” – Jimmy Fallon
“President Obama went on Fox News tonight to pitch his plan for healthcare reform. Obama going on Fox News? That’s like John Edwards going on ‘The Marriage Ref.'” – Jimmy Fallon
“Continental Airlines has begun charging customers for seats with extra leg room. It’s just an illusion. After your wallet becomes thinner, you can sit further back in the seat.” – Jay Leno
“Tax time is right around the corner. My accountant says I could save a lot of money if I move the show to the Canary Islands.” – David Letterman
“The American College of Cardiology says that over-exercise can be as bad for your heart as no exercise at all. This could affect nearly two Americans.” – Jay Leno
