“Do you know why it is a good day today? I’ll tell you why. Because the new credit card regulations start today. That’s good news if you have credit card debt, like me. I racked up 50 grand on bedazzlers.” – Craig Ferguson
“But starting today, the credit card companies have to scale back their evil ways. They can’t raise or increase rates whenever they want. That’s great news, because Americans owe $874 billion to credit card companies. To be fair, most of that is Mel Gibson’s bar tab.” – Craig Ferguson
“I don’t keep many credit cards because I’m worried someone might steal my identity. Yeah, right. Like anyone would want my identity. After two days, they’d beg me to take it back.” – Craig Ferguson
“Credit card companies make most of their profits from loaning money to people who they know can’t pay it back. That’s why credit card companies are evil. They’re like a cross between Satan and divorce lawyers.” – Craig Ferguson
“Credit card companies have been good for one group, of course. The mafia. When you need to borrow money, the mob seems like a better deal. ‘You don’t pay me back, I break both your legs.’ ‘Is that all? Fine.'” – Craig Ferguson
