“As you know, security is being upgraded at airports all across the country. They’re really cracking down. In fact, today, Osama bin Laden’s name was put on the do-not-fly list.” –Jay Leno
“It’s been reported that an 8-year-old boy from New Jersey is on the government’s airport watch list because he has the same name as a possible terrorist. So, it’s been a really bad week for little Skippy bin Laden.” – Conan O’Brien
“Our good friend, Sarah Palin, former governor of Alaska, is a contributor to Fox News. Only been there a couple days. Already making friends. Today, she loaned Glenn Beck some mascara that does not run when you cry.” – David Letterman
“She’s doing a lot of public speaking, and next week, she will be in Las Vegas speaking at a liquor convention. And what a coincidence, because I think McCain was drunk when he picked her.” – David Letterman
“Sarah Palin has signed with Fox News to be a correspondent. Well, in a statement today, Fox said if Palin does a good job, they’ll sign her to a longtime contract. If she doesn’t work out, they’ll just blame Leno. That’s what they said.” – Jay Leno
“Do you folks know what is going on with NBC and the trouble they’re having with Jay Leno and Conan O’Brien? I thought this was nice. President Obama invited Jay and Conan to the White House for a beer.” – David Letterman
“There’s big news out of Washington today. President Obama announced a plan to recover federal bailout money from banks. I guess that explains why Biden was seen yesterday buying a gun and a ski mask.” – Jimmy Fallon
“In an interview with People magazine, Michelle Obama said that she’s heard about MTV’s ‘Jersey Shore,’ but she hasn’t seen it. It’s funny. That’s exactly what the people on ‘Jersey Shore’ said about the Obamas.” – Jimmy Fallon
