“It’s a great day for President Barack Obama. He accepted a Nobel Peace Prize in Norway. I don’t want to say this Obama love is out of control, but his acceptance speech for the Nobel Prize just won a Pulitzer Prize, and his overall performance has just won an Oscar.” – Craig Ferguson
“Big day for President Obama. He accepted his Nobel Prize today and then got right back to the business of running two wars.” – David Letterman
“The chairman of the Nobel committee remarked that Obama’s leadership is a ‘call to action,’ not to be confused with Bill Clinton’s leadership, which was a call to get action.” – Jimmy Fallon
“You know, a lot of people don’t understand why President Obama won the Nobel Peace Prize. Well, you know something? Look around you. Our factories, peaceful. I went to the mall this week, peaceful. They had an open house near my house, not one person came in. It’s a peaceful economy here.” – Jay Leno
“There was a lot of controversy for President Obama in Norway, because apparently, he snubbed the Norwegian royal family. He snubbed them by canceling lunch with them. And I’m like, well don’t be silly, Norwegian royal family. Even if the president doesn’t invite you, just show up and crash the party. That’s how we do it in America.'” – Craig Ferguson
“Big day for President Obama. During his Nobel Peace Prize acceptance speech in Norway, Obama stated, ‘Let us reach for the world that ought to be — that spark of the divine that still stirs within each of our souls.’ Obama got those words from his new speechwriter, Ken Hallmark.” – Jimmy Fallon
“The peace prize was handed out in Oslo, Norway, but Oslo’s been in the news this week because of that big swirly thing in the sky over Oslo. Wait! Wait! Strange starlike object over Oslo, right before Obama arrives, a gift of a gold medal given by a group of wise men. Nah. No. Even MSNBC are going, ‘Nah, you took it too far.'” – Craig Ferguson
“Anyway, some people say that the light was a UFO coming to welcome Obama, which is of course ridiculous. Because if it was really a UFO, they would take Joe Biden back to his home planet. ‘Come on, Joe, you’ve bothered these people long enough. Let’s go and embarrass the people of Pluto.”‘ – Craig Ferguson
“The elementary school in Indonesia where President Obama went as a child, they just unveiled a statue of him as a 10-year-old. It’s very realistic. In fact, today Biden spent, like, 20 minutes talking to it.” – Jimmy Fallon
“The sculptor said that he worked on it for, like, two months, but after he finished the ears, the rest took, like, five minutes.” – Jimmy Fallon
“It sure is cold. So cold that Osama bin Laden was seen hiding in the border region between Palm Beach and Fort Lauderdale.” – David Letterman
“Secretary Timothy Geithner confirmed today we are expected to lose $30 billion from our investment in the auto industry, to which Bernie Madoff goes, ‘Hey, I could have done better than that.'” – Jay Leno
“Well, according to Time magazine, even though college degrees costs more today, they’re worth less in the job market, which is hard to believe, isn’t it? There’s a job market?” – Jay Leno
“Senate Democrats proposed a $1.1 trillion spending bill that will provide funding for government agencies, foreign aid, and local construction projects. And also, since it’s so close to Christmas, a pony!” – Conan O’Brien
“Not such a great day for the health care reform. The so-called public option died on the Senate floor today. It could have survived, but apparently it had a pre-existing condition.” – Craig Ferguson
“According to a new poll that just came out, 44 percent of Americans wish President Bush were back in office. However it’s only 20 percent if you exclude comedy writers.” – Conan O’Brien
