“President Obama’s approval rating down to 46 percent. That means 54 percent of the people do not approve of the job he’s doing, which I think is totally unfair. We should at least wait until he actually does something.” – Jay Leno
“President Obama is traveling to Asia this week. He’ll be making a trip to China. While he’s there, Obama plans to visit the Forbidden City, the Great Wall, and America’s money.” – Conan O’Brien
“President Obama left this morning on a ten day trip to Asia. He assigned his kids some important chores. He said that while he’s gone, Sasha has to walk the dog, and Malia has to walk Biden.” – Jimmy Fallon
“Forbes magazine just came out, and they’ve released a new list of the world’s most powerful people. President Obama is number one. Interesting, yeah. And apparently, Oprah is pissed off.” – Conan O’Brien
“When he returns, President Obama is expected to finally reveal his strategy for the war in Afghanistan. The strategy is called, ‘Don’t ask, don’t tell.'” – Jimmy Fallon
“Speaking of ‘Don’t ask, don’t tell,’ Congressman Barney Frank said yesterday that the military’s ‘Don’t ask, don’t tell’ policy will be repealed next year. It’s going to be replaced by the policy, ‘Yeah, we knew.'” – Jimmy Fallon
“Lou Dobbs has quit CNN. And here’s the weird part: He didn’t want to quit, his work visa expired.” – Jay Leno
“Big news, Lou Dobbs announced on his show last night that he was leaving CNN. No word on where Dobbs is going to go next, but I think we can all rule out Telemundo.” – Jimmy Fallon
“They’re not welcome there. Dobbs said he’s leaving because he wants to engage in constructive problem solving. He’s already solved one problem, for CNN.” – Jimmy Fallon
“Gov. David Paterson made a shocking statement today. He said, ‘New York will be broke by Christmas.’ Today, Gov. Schwarzenegger said, ‘Christmas? What’s your secret? How’d you last so long?'” – Jay Leno
“A middle school in North Carolina has caused some controversy, because they were offering to improve test scores for cash donations. For a $20 donation, kids could get an increase of 20 points on any test they chose. It was the ‘Cash from Flunkers’ program.” – Jay Leno
“On Monday, Oprah Winfrey and Sarah Palin will sit down and they’re going to talk for an entire hour. And I was thinking, too bad John McCain didn’t do that with her before he chose her as his running mate.” – David Letterman
“Last night, on ‘Larry King Live’ … former Miss California, Carrie Prejean, refused to talk about her sex tape. She got angry for Larry asking what she called, ‘inappropriate questions.’ Yeah, apparently Larry kept asking, ‘Do you want to see my sex tape?'” – Conan O’Brien
