“Congratulations to Barack Obama — he has won the 2009 Nobel Peace Prize. Apparently, the Nobel committee wanted to recognize the president’s fine work in bringing peace to a black professor and a white cop through the strategic use of beer. ” – Jay Leno
“President Obama was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize. The committee said they gave it to Obama partly for his idealism and commitment to global cooperation, but mostly for calling Kanye West a jackass.” – Conan O’Brien
“In a surprise decision, President Obama won the 2009 Nobel Peace Prize Friday. In other premature awards this week: high school football player Billy Reynolds has been named this year’s Heisman Trophy winner; fifth grader Amber Collins has been named Miss America; and nine-year-old Dylan Holt has been named People’s ‘Sexiest Man Alive.'” – Seth Meyers
“President Obama’s Nobel Peace Prize comes with $1.4 million in cash. Or as Fox News reported it, ‘Obama Caught Taking Bribe from Swedish Government.'” – Conan O’Brien
“Obama said he will attend the ceremony in Oslo if he’s not too busy with the two wars he’s conducting.” – Bill Maher
“Congratulations to President Obama, who won the Nobel Peace Prize this morning. That’s quite an accomplishment. I’m sure he’ll pick it up as soon as he’s finished fighting two wars.” – Jimmy Fallon
“President Obama said he will go to Oslo, Norway to collect the award. Roman Polanski said, ‘It’s a trick — don’t go; you’ll be arrested.'” – Jay Leno
“President Obama said he was humbled to win the prize. Not as humble as he was when Rio got the Olympics. But still humble.” – Jay Leno
“It’s a great honor for America that Obama won the Nobel Peace Prize. Unfortunately, our economy is so bad, Obama’s already been forced to trade the medal in at ‘Cash 4 Gold.'” – Conan O’Brien
“Along with his trophy, the president will receive $1.4 million in prize money … so say hello to a whole new closet of mom jeans everybody.” – Jimmy Kimmel
“Along with the Nobel Peace Prize, President Obama also gets $1.4 million. Usually to get a check that big you need to blackmail David Letterman.” – Jimmy Fallon
“The Nobel committee said he won for creating a new climate for international politics. which sounds so much nicer than ‘In your face George Bush you cowboy a**hole.'” – Bill Maher
“That’s pretty amazing, winning the Nobel Peace Prize. Ironically, his biggest accomplishment as president so far: winning the Nobel Peace Prize.” – Jay Leno
“Vice President Biden was awarded the Nobel Hair-Piece Prize.” – Jimmy Kimmel
“Conservatives say the award represents everything they stand against: black people, foreigners, and peace.” – Bill Maher
“Big news: We bombed the moon this morning. We sent a missile into its surface. That’s gotta be a lesson to North Korea and Iran — we bombed the moon for no good reason at all.” – Jimmy Kimmel
“A day after declaring war on the moon, President Obama was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize.” – Jimmy Kimmel
“The White House admitted that they made a mistake by not inviting women to play in President Obama’s basketball game last night. Although it would have made ‘shirts vs. skins’ a little awkward. ” – Jimmy Fallon
“The women really wanted to play. Nancy Pelosi had her game face on. Of course, when does she not have her game face on?” – Jimmy Fallon
