Political Irony

“No, earlier today, President Obama met with the Mexican president, Felipe Calderon, and they discussed the immigration problem. They met at the Mexican president’s home, which, by the way, is now in Los Angeles.” – Conan O’Brien

“President Obama met with the leaders of Mexico and Canada. Obama said he’d work with Mexico to solve the immigration problem, and he’d work with Canada to solve the Celine Dion problem.” – Conan O’Brien

“President Obama is in Guadalajara, Mexico, for his first North American Leaders Summit. Very exciting. After that, he’s expected to hold his first Imodium AD Summit.” – Jimmy Fallon

“These are troubled times, and we need a hero, someone unencumbered by politics as usual. Someone who could kill a moose with one hand and skin a bear with the other. Someone without a job. … Yes! Like a ship slowly appearing over the horizon to an island of castaways, Sarah Palin has arrived with fresh food, clothing and that little box she keeps next to her bed filled with crazy.” – Jon Stewart

“Sarah Palin exposed the shocking truth about Obama’s health care plan, saying that the America she knows is not one where her loved ones will ‘have to stand in front of Obama’s death panel so his bureaucrats can decide … whether they are worthy of health care.’ Bravo, Ms. Palin! That is the most powerful message you’ve written by throwing a handful of magnetic poetry against the fridge.” – Stephen Colbert

“Former President Clinton, of course, in the news a lot lately. Yesterday, former President Clinton gave a speech to a group from Haiti, and he urged them not to give up hope. Clinton said, ‘Things can start to look bleak, and then, all of the sudden, you’re on an airplane with two hot Asian chicks.'” – Conan O’Brien

“And here’s some optimistic news. Kim Jong-Il now says he wants to hold face-to-face talks with the United States. Now all North Korea needs is a big enough stepladder.” – Jimmy Fallon

“Now that Sonia Sotomayor has joined the Supreme Court, one third of the justices are now from New York City. This explains why the customary opening of a court session has changed from ‘All rise’ to ‘Hey, I’m judging over here!'” – Conan O’Brien

“A lot of news this weekend. Sonia Sotomayor was sworn in as the 111th Supreme Court justice and only the third female in history. This is great. Now, Ruth Bader Ginsburg will finally have a yoga buddy.” – Jimmy Fallon

“During his weekly radio address, Obama said we’ve finally begun to put the brakes on this recession, which is good news. Unfortunately, the brakes were built by General Motors.” – Jimmy Fallon

“Regis Philbin’s back in primetime, hosting 11 new episodes of ‘Who Wants To Be a Millionaire.’ But because of Obama’s tax plan, it’s been re-titled ‘Who Wants To Win Just Under $250,000.'” – Jimmy Fallon